


and it'll wake you up and cure your aching

by panacea2032



Category: The Other Side (Short Film - emilyamiao)
Genre: Action, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hair Brushing, Hurt/Comfort, Late Night Conversations, Link is in the notes, M/M, Minor Character Death, Rebellion, Revolution, WATCH THE ANIMATIC FIRST BEFORE READING THIS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:02:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29937990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panacea2032/pseuds/panacea2032
Summary: Another sigh, this one sounding almost defeated. A shuffle of feet. Something being dragged. A chair pulled up beside him. Her body dropping on it. "Lean.""Hm?""Lean on me. Five minutes, and then I'll leave you alone."A scrutinizing look. "I'm not sleeping yet."A huff. "And I didn't say close your eyes, you dunce. You can continue working for all I care. Just lean."~IN WHICH, even the strongest steel can disintegrate. Yun hadn't known this until now. Perhaps it's a good thing that Elias is there to hold the last of his pieces together.
Relationships: Aleida (OC) & Yun, Elias Everstied & Yun, Elias Everstied/Yun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	and it'll wake you up and cure your aching

**Author's Note:**

> IT IS GREATLY ADVISABLE FOR YOU TO WATCH THE ANIMATIC FIRST BEFORE READING THIS.  
> it can be found [HERE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvtxgkC-oz8)
> 
> aight so TO THOSE WHO ARE NEW TO MY WORKS, as in like this is the first yunlias book that you've read from me, im not sure if you'll get the depth of how things would escalate because this fic revolved heavily on one of my OCs whom ive involved A LOT in the previous fics. dont get me wrong, this fic does NOT connect with the plotlines of the other ones ive written. but i figured it'd be better if u get to know my OCs more before you begin with this book so if u wanna, check [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27005137) out and a few of my other previous yunlias works. but ehhh, its up to u rlly. 
> 
> and TO THOSE WHO AREN'T NEW TO MY WORKS, enjoy!! this has been sitting in my drafts for sooooo long but i forgot to post it because of [this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29699460) but anyways, lets try to keep this fandom growing!!
> 
> Disclaimer: Yun and Elias are not mine. They belong to the original animatic's creator. The only thing I own is majority of the plot and a few minor characters.

The sky was merciless. Thunder roared like a symphony of war drums bringing along a seemingly endless descent of rain. Its intensity alone was enough to rattle the window panes and make the walls of the corridor look like they're trembling.

It was quiet. Unnervingly quiet. In the past hour, Yun has been wandering aimlessly around the headquarters, choosing to follow wherever his feet was taking him. A quick survey of his present surroundings told him that he was now on the second floor, where the bedrooms resided. The echo of thunder slowly began to fade, giving room for his every breath intake to be amplified in his own ears. If silence was a person, it'd be a worthy contender of the emptiness in his mind.

It was almost uncharacteristic of him to have his head void of any thought. His brain was his asset. He'd accomplished a multitude of things because of his tact and intelligence. He'd worked his way through various situations flawlessly with little to no drawbacks or consequences. He was always thinking, whether it was of a future strategy or a mental rain check in case something was amiss. His train of thought was always running at impeccable speed.

And to have the railroad tracks disappear--ultimately rendering the train incapable of running--for Yun, was a very unwelcome feeling. And yet a feeling he can't control, nonetheless.

They say that the course of life was a cycle. It has a beginning, and along the way it also has a finish line, before another starting line branches off it and the cycle goes on.

When his feet brought him to a stop, however, Yun called bullshit. 

There was no restart. No new starting line to branch off. No new beginning after the end. The now unoccupied bedroom behind the door in front of him was proof of that fact. 

She never really used her room that much, he surmised. Yun sees her at the clinic almost all the time, even during ungodly hours of the night. He even considered the idea of reconstructing the clinic to have a bedroom connected to it so that she'd be saved the trouble of going up the stairs to get a good night's rest. Gods know how much of a workaholic she was despite her age, not to mention a hypocrite too. 

_"It's late, kid."_

_"I'll finish this first and then I'll go to bed."_

_An exasperated sigh. "This is the fourth night in a row. You'll end up destroying your sleeping pattern completely if you kept this up."_

_"At this point, my sleeping pattern's pretty much messed up."_

_"Still not good enough to excuse the fact that you're overworking yourself."_

_"I could say the same thing to you."_

_Another sigh, this one sounding almost defeated. A shuffle of feet. Something being dragged. A chair pulled up beside him. Her body dropping on it. "Lean."_

_"Hm?"_

_"Lean on me. Five minutes, and then I'll leave you alone."_

_A scrutinizing look. "I'm not sleeping yet."_

_A huff. "And I didn't say close your eyes, you dunce. You can continue working for all I care. Just lean."_

_Another long look._

_And finally, he obeyed._

_He didn't have to look up to see the knowing look on her face when he loosened up. "Should I have brought you milk?" the elder teased._

_"I'm not a child anymore."_

_"Debatable. And besides, milk isn't limited for brats. It's great help to those acting like one, too."_

_"Ironic, coming from someone who thinks they have the durability of a youngster despite their age."_

_"Don't make me drag you to bed myself, kid."_

The heaviness of the storm clouds reflected the weight on his shoulders at the realization that there's no one to haul his stubborn ass back to his room now, or to leave a cup of warm cow's milk at his desk while he's spilled over paperwork. 

His mind blanked completely, refusing entrance to any bit of thought in fear of being consumed by utter despair and the reality he's been trying to ignore until now. There was nothing. Just like the way he wanted. There's a coil at the pit of his stomach, rolling amidst the hollowness of his very being. There's an iron bar at the borders of his mind, acting as the gates that's sealed shut. There he was, standing in the middle of the hallway as if he were frozen in time. There was that silence that seemed to war with the one in his head. There was--

**_Crash!_ **

\--a door cracked open ahead of him.

Yun nearly jumped at the sudden noise. It resonated from the room not far away from where he's standing. Light seeped through the narrow crack of the slightly ajar door, implying that the room's occupant was either very much awake, or that they're just not comfortable sleeping with the lights out.

Yun's money was on the former. 

Without any other agenda, he approached said room with a quiet gait, as to not alert whoever it was inside that he was coming. Lifting his hand to the door was where the realization dawned on him that he's been subconsciously clenching his fingers into a fist all this time. It had been so tight his knuckles went white, and there were half moons embedded on the meat of his palm. Some of them were even red with little specks of blood. However the pain, unlike he expected, didn't come. It stood outside the iron bar standing guard of his mind, unable to enter. 

With a very gentle push, the door slid forward. He must have miscalculated the amount of force he's used, because it had swung open completely instead of moving an inch to give enough room for him to take a peek. The door went off in a half arc before hitting the adjacent wall and thus opening for him invitingly. He stood there, completely stumped with what he presumed was a lost look on his face as he locked gazes with the room's occupant standing across him a few feet away. 

At the sight of long, lilac hair that's untied from its usual ponytail and surprised, crimson eyes staring back at him, he finally realized.

Ah. Up the stairs, left hallway, third room to the right. Plain, wooden door that's almost identical to the others if it weren't for the small scratch on its frame from when a certain swordsman nearly committed murder with a butter knife because he apparently hated cats with a passion to which Yun had no idea of when he came in carrying a stray feline, and the nearly unnoticeable smudge of red beside the doorknob from the aftermath of that one espionage mission where said swordsman came in with a bleeding shoulder he said he can treat on his own without noticing Yun following him to make sure that he made it to his room despite the burn of Yun's own injury in his sprained ankle-- it's Elias' room. 

Yun kind of understood why his feet brought him to her quarters. But as to why he was brought to the Everstied's next, it was beyond him. 

"What are you doing here?" Elias questioned, dropping his hands which had been previously frozen in the middle of rolling up the long sleeves of his night shirt. His casual tone did nothing to hide his surprise. Yun supposed it was to be expected. Anyone would be startled if someone came to your room unannounced in the middle of an outdoor storm. Not to mention the fact that Yun rarely came to Elias' quarters. He only does so when he's got something incredibly urgent to discuss with. The cat incident doesn't count.

And this time, Yun was void of anything to be talked about, regardless of the level of urgency. So instead of a verbal response, he invited himself in, closing the door behind him with a quiet click and leaning against it. He refused to look at Elias directly in the eye, immediately investing his interest on the the glass window that can be seen over Elias' right shoulder.

There was a pregnant silence that fell upon them as they waited for each other to utter another word known by human language. Elias has no problem about being quiet. But the way his question was left hanging in the air made an uncomfortable feeling settle in him. The empty look on Yun's face did nothing to ease the accumulating tension in the air, seeming to gain more mass as time passed by. Yun probably needed the silence the most in times like this. There was something. Elias was certain of that. After what just transpired only hours ago, he was sure of it.

It had been a complete shock to everyone, even him. All of them had been attached to the lady physician one way or another. She was someone who radiated reassuring energy once in her territory. She tended to every physical and health problem, no matter the gravity of it. Even if it was just as small as a paper cut, she was very adamant on attending to it. Even when someone was a single push away from succumbing to their injuries, she'd always tell them that _"As long as that green line doesn't go flat, we can still do it. You and me."_ Elias was the type of person who preferred to tend to his injuries on his own, much to her disapproval. So it was to be expected that out of almost everyone here, she was most patronizing to him. She'd dragged him by the ear more than once whenever she caught him trying to flee from her treatment. 

But, he supposes, it was not with her skill in the medical field that made her very difficult to forget despite being one among a couple other healers in the infirmary. It was the fact that despite her ferocity when you show up in her clinic frequently because of consecutive life-threatening wounds, it cannot be denied that she also gives off a warmth akin to a maternal parent's. She was always quick to chastise when someone acquires an accidental injury, and at the same time was the most gentle when she's in the face of a grave one. All of them learned the importance of proper hygiene once in her presence. Her needle threats are not to be taken lightly once she smells even the faintest scent of bad body odor. She'd also drop quick tips to their resident cook on how to spice up and at the same time make the meals healthier, and on rare occasions she'd take over the cooking herself. Her mushroom and pork ribs broth was one of a kind, not that he'd ever tell her that.

Elias now wished that he did.

It was just supposed to be a rescue mission. One of their men got caught up in a government checkpoint and it didn't end good. A few were reported to be injured that's why they brought her along. It was said that they'd also manage to take a few officials as hostage and they needed Yun to come and confirm their identities. On their way, they had used a shortcut, which was a path rarely used and was not known by many. Elias had used that same road on various occasions before so there was no problem at all. And considering that they were stationed far from the government's radar, it was certifiably a safe road to tread.

They were wrong.

Halfway through the shortcut, they were suddenly assaulted with a barrage of bullets coming from the woods. Elias was quick to take cover, and Yun followed suit. Their company pulled out their own guns and fired back. If it had been a close-ranged fight, Elias would've used his sword. But seeing as their enemies were insistent on staying behind the cover of a few trees, then the swordsman would have to rely on his pistol this time. The enemy's numbers weren't that great. They were fewer than what Elias had expected. Since the officials were severely outnumbered by them, they were easy to take down. But lowering down his guard at the worst moment was one mistake Elias would forever regret and take to his grave. 

Once the fight had ceased, they emerged from their covers to scan the area. They'd lost a few of their own, too. Another unnecessary casualty.

While the others crossed the road to check on the bodies, Elias went straight to their abandoned supplies. The horses had ran off in the middle of the fighting, but Elias figured that they hadn't went too far yet. 

In his peripheral vision, he saw Yun suddenly turn in alarm first before he heard it.

A scream.

**_BANG!_ **

Like a loud wake up call, all of their heads turned to the sound.

His heart halted at the sight.

While they had been busy with everything else, they failed to notice how one straggler from the enemy group crossed the road out of their sight and blended in on their side of the battlefield. When all their backs had been turned, the straggler decided to strike.

All Elias managed to see was a man in a government-issued uniform holding their physician by the neck and aiming the nozzle of his gun directly to her temple, before a loud shot echoed among all their ears and two bodies fell to the ground. 

Two bodies.

Only one shot was heard.

But when Elias thought back to it, it had been two. Two shots completely in sync that it had been easily mistaken and heard as one. 

One look beside him was all the answer he needed. Yun stood there with his smoking pistol still raised and his finger still curled against the trigger as if he had been encased in ice after he made his shot.

The man fell to the ground with a bullet hole engraved right at the dead center of his forehead.

She fell to the ground with an almost unbelievable flow of red from the side of her head.

It had felt unnervingly strange. Before, when she's stained with red it's always because of how she got it from her patients. She practically dealt with blood every single day, whether if it came from a bleeding scratch or a gaping wound, to which she'd respond to with a quick dab of disinfectant and a slap of band aid accompanied by another scolding, or a tedious round of stitching where she goes into full-on maternal mode. They were used to seeing her stark white lab gown stained with the blood of others. 

They were not used to seeing it stained with her own.

She had saved their lives countless times. 

And yet they failed to return the favor. 

"Let me fix your hair."

Elias' vision regained focus, directing surprised eyes back to Yun who was still not looking at him.

"Fix my hair?"

Yun nodded.

Now this. . . was an unexpected turn of events.

Elias absentmindedly bunched up a few strands and belatedly remembered that he hadn't brushed them yet after his recent shower. But before he could even utter a response, he saw Yun push himself up from his position at the door. He made his way to Elias, the impassive look on his face not letting up. Elias immediately found himself following as Yun neared, turning his back on him and seating himself on his bed. Almost like clockwork, he raised a brush when he felt Yun stop behind him, despite this being the first time for them ever doing this. He shot Yun a questioning look, because frankly he didn't know what he'd been expecting when Yun stepped into his room unannounced, but it most certainly hadn't been this. Yun, however, ignored the look Elias was giving him and instead took the brush quietly before wasting no second in bringing it down across the tresses of his long hair, working his way through every knot and tangles he could find. Silence once again took its place between them. The only sound that could be heard was the brush coming into contact with Elias' hair and combing its way through it. 

Elias was no idiot. He knew that Yun hadn't come here just for this. Back then, just as they left the vicinity of the shortcut, there were faint echoes of a ruckus behind them and a trail of smoke that came from where the unprecedented battle had taken place. Government reinforcements, Elias realized. If they'd lingered there any longer they would've faced a bigger wave of enemies they were far from ready to face on. But they'd also been far enough from the place to be tracked and chased, that's why they were able to return in peace. The entire trip back to the headquarters Yun had been deadly quiet. Elias was riding beside him but not a single word was exchanged between them. He couldn't put a finger on it, but as he watched Yun take up a shovel when they arrived and began joining a few others in plowing through soil, Elias knew that Yun wasn't being . . . _Yun._

Every time they end up with unfortunate casualties and losses on their missions, it had always been a difficult feat to turn their backs and leave the bodies of their fallen comrades, but they had to. This was a war. Death was an inevitable part of the sequence. It was something they gradually learned to accept as they began losing more and more of their own.

But to turn their back on her and leave? It was impossible.

A vice-like grip seemed to tighten its clutches and dig its nails into his heart as he watched her being lowered to the soil. As if the skies were for once in agreement with their torment, distant rumbles began resounding around them. It was a tell-tale sign of an incoming storm, a physical one that would contend with the hurricane of emotions residing in each of them standing around her grave. 

A single vein of electricity shot down from the sky. The lightning obliterated the dark, reflecting through the windows of Elias' room and providing an almost sinister look to Yun's emotionless face. Elias didn't like this side of him. He was quiet. Too quiet. Like he'd shut himself away from the rest of the world to avoid anymore hurt to seep through the cracks that has been made visible, fortifying his walls and bringing up a seemingly indestructible mask to conceal the loose ends. 

Yun raised his fingers to dig through the lilac mane, gently running them down simultaneously with the brush. Elias' hair had always been an object of interest for him ever since they met. The distinctive hue was renown amongst the Everstieds, and to see it this up close nearly seemed surreal for him. The locks were soft even after just a single run of the brush. He reveled in the way his fingers smoothly combed through each strand that cascaded down the swordsman's back. He supposed he'll thank Elias later for taking the initiative of sitting down, otherwise he'd never be able to reach the crown of his head even on the tips of his toes once Elias is standing up.

"You're awfully quiet." Elias spoke up, finally choosing to address the elephant in the room. 

The same silence met him as Yun continued to drag the brush through his hair. Elias internally sighed. He wasn't exactly the type of person who's direct, nor was he well versed in dealing with situations like these. But even he can't help but feel the smallest spark of concern in his chest as a minute ticked by and once again, his question was left hanging...

"I've got a lot on my mind."

...or not.

His eyebrows rose. "That's a first."

Yun's hand paused mid-air. "What do you mean?"

"You're usually rather vocal with your thoughts." Elias shot him a side glance. "Always active and enthusiastic to express it in your own, annoying ways."

"Is that your way of describing me as one noisy chatterbox? With which clearly I am not."

It was Elias' turn to let out a scoff. "There are a multitude of situations that can attest to what I said."

The brush descended once again, resuming in its path towards long, lilac tresses. "There are also pieces of thinking that are better kept in the dark. I thought someone like you would understand."

"Fair enough." he acquiesced. "But I also understand that some of the thoughts better kept are actually best when shared. Especially when they're too heavy to be carried alone." When silence once again became his response, he knew he managed to hit something; presumably one that's dangerously close to bullseye. "A penny for your thoughts?"

If he'd been looking properly, he'd be able to catch the tiny quirk at the side of Yun's lips. "Penny declined. Nice try, though." Yun gradually lowered the brush so he can set his hands free to gather the unbounded locks and draw them back to be tied at the back of Elias' head. "Besides, my mind is way too expensive to be afforded by a single piece of copper." 

Under normal circumstances, Elias would've stopped him. He doesn't tie his hair up when going to bed. He'd much prefer it down while resting. But the strange and yet surprisingly welcomed feeling of Yun's fingers combing through his hair accompanied by the occasional soft scratches of nails against his scalp had been one of the best sensations he wouldn't mind experiencing for the rest of his lifetime. He almost, almost, made a noise of approval. It was thanks to great Herculean strength that he was prevented from making a further embarrassment of himself. He nearly hadn't been able to stop in time. Elias' instincts was a double edged sword. It can take him out of any incoming danger or negative situations before the conflict could even make its landing. But at the same time, it can also be a fuel that would loosen his restraints in the most inopportune moments...

"Aleida must've been quite rich, then."

...like that, for example.

Just as the words were out of his mouth, he could automatically feel Yun seize up behind him. The soft touch of the fingers close to his temple had frozen, and the brush buried in his hair had stopped. 

A part of Elias was aware that it had been different. Sure, many of them managed to form some sort of attachment to her. But he knew that it had been another thing for Yun. It was deeper, more familial than just simply maternal. Despite the periodic banter between the two, Elias saw way past it. His perception was way too keen to have missed it. Considering their history where she served in Yun's household as their nursemaid, it would only seem fitting that she'd become the closest parental figure Yun has ever got, enough to make up for the absences of both his biological ones. That's why he understood very well how the incident affected Yun way more than it did to them. 

The wall suddenly looked so appealing to bash his head in to. If Elias could take those words back, he would. _Goddamnit, he would._ Because even a visually impaired person could see how Yun's sanity and composure is treading on a frozen lake of very thin ice, no matter how much he tried to put on a façade of calm. One strike would be enough to disintegrate what was left of him.

And Elias thoughtlessly dealt the final blow. 

So just like that, the small, newborn, and fragile bubble they both were barely managing to hold up instantly popped into oblivion. And along with it was the final lone thread holding everything of Yun together. 

Her name. Ah, yes. That was her name.

Yun stared at his hands, pausing in his ministrations to mentally dampen the echoes of her name from bouncing off the walls of his mind. That had been a blow he wasn't expecting, and a blow that was strong enough to put a dent on the iron bar that closed off his thoughts. He realized it now that ever since the incident, he never dared to utter her name, no matter if it was verbally or mentally. No one spoke of her either. The despair that settled on their shoulders was far too great. And to hear it now for the very first time tonight, rolling off the tongue of someone so close it caught Yun off guard, he felt like a puppeteer being cut off from the strings of his marionette. 

He was not a pawn, no, he was far from it. He was a game player, a puppet master, an orchestral conductor. He was the one behind it all. He can complete a show with little to no difficulty and garner a pleased audience. He can bring out the best symphonies in every band of instruments with the right flow of notes. He can claim checkmate without losing any assets and make a beeline towards victory. It was true that he can reach the greatest lengths with what he can do. But once a maestro drops his baton, the ensemble becomes disorganized. Once a puppeteer loses his hold on the strings, the doll drops to the stage. Once a game player misplaces the chess board, the pieces would be in disarray. Once someone completely loses the very foundation of what their life was comprised of, they fall apart.

And fall apart he did.

His hands suddenly felt way too heavy. No, scratch that. _Everything_ suddenly felt way too heavy. So he allowed his fingers to go completely limp from its grip on Elias' hair, setting the tresses of lilac entirely free and loose. It fell from its drawn back position with a gentle sway, choosing to cascade once again down his back. He was starting to feel it; the unmistakable strain that's starting to take root inside the borders of his mind. It was no longer the silence that can be challenged. This time, it was the storm raging outside. Its intensity was becoming a worthy opponent of the slowly growing tempest within him.

He'd never felt this empty before. This lifelessness. This daunting sense that's telling him of how bleak the future's become. No longer knowing what to do, he unceremoniously dropped his head, gathering the last of his bearings just in time to dampen the impact of his forehead's collision with the back of Elias' head. He knew that he caught the swordsman off-guard, if the sudden tensing of his shoulders was anything to go by. But he could care less. He was sucked empty. Using the Everstied as a human pillow--a rather stiff and uncomfortable one, might he add--was perhaps a privilege he selfishly claimed for himself. Just for now, at least. 

Yun could still remember much vaguely the feel of his pistol against his palm, and how his pointer finger seemed to have been glued to the trigger after he pulled it. He'd sensed it back then. A part of him knew that something was off. So when he saw a familiar flash of uniform in his peripheral vision, he reacted quickly. When his eyes landed on how she'd been trapped in a chokehold, there was no room for worry to strike in his chest. He let instincts take its course, taking out his firearm and marking his aim. He didn't think twice. He fired.

For one second of complete utter horror, he thought he missed. That maybe his aim wasn't as accurate as he thought it was. That maybe he'd hit her instead. Maybe he had been the one to kill her after all. 

When the man's body fell, he didn't even feel sorry. The tendrils of relief reached for him. He did it. He'd saved her.

However, when he saw her fall with him, his heart followed suit. There was blood oozing out from her temple as her widened eyes stared straight ahead, void of the fear that was once there, and thus ultimately void of anything altogether. 

Those same eyes, once filled with life, would now forever haunt him until his grave.

He failed her.

She was gone. Just like that. 

When the first trail of something wet rolled down his cheek, he hadn't been able to fully understand it. What was going on? Was there a leak on the roof above them? The room's temperature was far from humid so it couldn't have been sweat.

When the next set of wet rivulets followed, however, that's when he knew. 

Ah. 

Tears.

This was a surprise. He no longer remembered the last time he's shed shed tears. At some point, he even thought that he has grown incapable of crying. When he fell down the stairs at six years old, he let out nothing but a whimper. When his father backhanded him, he only bit his lip and sought the refuge of his room. When he left his home, he did it without turning back. Yun once believed himself to be made of hard, solid iron. But now he realized, quite a little too late, that even iron can be liquefied and reduced to a different and weaker substance. Something that's far more vulnerable compared to its original form. 

He let them flow quietly as he watched each tear part from the tip of his nose and fall to the floor. If the situation had been different, he would have observed this with fascination. So this was what crying felt like. It was peculiar. To think that all it would take to have your eyes leak was a good amount of weight situated in your chest.

There was a narrow crack in his mind's iron bar, he realized. He supposed that it was to be expected. He's too far gone to recollect his strength to hold his defenses up. All it took was one utterance of her name and suddenly all of his walls felt paper-thin. 

A sob tore through his throat unceremoniously. There was a ruthless ache in his chest that he so wanted to get rid of but can't. His head was housing a thick mist that's too hard to extinguish. For the first time in a long time, he felt downright miserable. The prospect of surrendering to the floor's pull and remaining there to wait for his body to rot suddenly sounded so tempting, all he'd need was one push to give in. 

He failed her.

What a revolutionary leader he was; speaking out loud, declaring oaths of retaking Anwei and saving its citizens when he couldn't even save the life of one.

_Pathetic._ It echoed in a tone that bore a striking resemblance to his father's. Realizing this only made it sound more truer than ever, because that's what he was.

Pathetic.

Yun didn't know when he'd started shaking, didn't know how his breaths turned ragged. Getting air into his lungs was turning into a difficult feat. He didn't know when the muted sobs started wracking his very being. Even his hands that found purchase on what he assumed was Elias' shoulder blades were even encased in small but frequent tremors. They just lay there, limp and barely hanging yet shaking nonetheless. Another thing he hadn't known was how his face had eventually fallen to a shoulder instead of it being previously pressed against the other's head.

He also hadn't known that at some point, there was a hand that rose and buried itself in his hair.

The touch was grounding. The fingers that massaged his scalp was soothing. It dug and combed through every inch it could reach, totally disregarding the fact that it's slowly messing up Yun's hair. The palm was incredibly warm against his head, almost seeming like it's capable of igniting a fire in its wake. He reveled in its warmth, though; unknowingly pushing back at the caress to ensure that it would stay there. The hand responded with pressing a little bit more pressure, brushing through jet black locks in gradual and comforting strokes. 

"You're not at fault here, you know."

If Yun's sobs hitched, neither of them mentioned it.

"We all made a mistake. If we hadn't let down our guard, then she..." there was a weight at the bottom of Elias' throat that he desperately refused to acknowledge. He can't fall apart here too. "But it happened. And there's nothing we can do to reverse it, nor will blaming ourselves help either."

As if in agreement, another thunder resounded outside, descending so strongly that it seemed to retain its intensity despite being muffled by the room's walls. Yun didn't know what to say. He had absolutely no idea of what he should be responding with when everything felt too overwhelming for once. He was thrown underwater, with a single beam of sunlight as the only illumination to his surroundings. His chest won't lighten no matter how much he tried to expel the weight through the leaks in his eyes. There was a wet patch starting to grow on Elias' nightshirt, but neither does his tears plan to step on the brakes. 

He officially hated crying.

The hand that played with his hair slowly crawled downwards, its fingertips gliding through his scalp gently until it found his nape. In a similar manner, those same fingers began pressing against the back of his neck comfortingly. By the skin to skin contact, finally, the warmth was amplified, which then appeared to be a great help in securing the reins to his unbounded emotions. The fingers dragged across his nape and hair roots in gentle, smooth patterns, leaving trails of flame in every inch it ran on. 

"I need you to understand something." There was something undecipherable in Elias' tone when he spoke up the minute he sensed that Yun was starting to quiet down. "I'm a mercenary sent by the Anwei Democratic Party."

Yun's breath suddenly made a full stop in his throat. "What?"

"Me and a few others were paid to ambush the rebels lead by the Secretary of State's son. We thought that it would be an easy job but we were wrong. We're outnumbered."

It didn't take long for what Elias was trying to do clicked in Yun's mind. With a spark of reluctance, he lifted his head from the shoulder. But before he could muster a response, Elias continued.

"Realizing this, I had to change tactics. I separated myself from the group and discreetly crossed over to the enemy's side. I noticed a woman amongst them, and figured that if I could take her hostage, things would swerve into my favor." 

"It would not--"

"Let me finish." Elias cut him off with an almost chastising side glance. "I figured she had to be of some importance to them. She didn't look like she was armed so it would be easy. I could use her to buy us some time. When the reinforcements come, these rebels would never stand a chance. I just need to stall them long enough." Elias turned in his seat to finally look straight in Yun's eyes. "If that brat just hadn't fired at me with a gun, we would've been able to take them down. Kill the men and take the Secretary's son, just like how we're ordered to. Trace their headquarters and eliminate the rest, completely ending the war before it could even start."

Few of his points are uncertain. Could be wrong. Could be mistaken. Could be overestimated. But Elias' message was still very clear. Yun was inwardly amazed with how stable he'd sounded when he raised the argument, "We don't know what could've happened if I hadn't made that shot."

Elias hummed. "Do you think she'd be spared then?"

Something in his gut twisted at the thought. She wouldn't. None of them would. The fact remains solid that anyone aligned with them gets shot down at sight. It was the price to pay. Maybe, by some miraculous mercy, she _would_ be spared. But nevertheless, that relied heavily on a baseless assumption. 

Elias regarded him with a long look before he gestured to the bed. "Get off your feet. Come sit." He didn't feel the need to mention how Yun's bodily trembles has now spread to his knees.

Under normal circumstances, Yun would've said no. He'd gather himself up, put on the infallible mask once more and take his leave without a second thought. But the mere thought of raising his walls once again suddenly sounded like the most wearisome task he wouldn't mind not doing at the moment. He's exhausted. Perhaps he earned a few more minutes of liberation. He'd already dug his grave when he decided to allow the tears to fall freely moments ago. Might as well finish the job and let himself sink further.

He let his jet black fringe curtain the sides of his face as his head slightly hung when he slumped down to the mattress.

"Like I said, there's nothing we can do now that would reverse what had happened. Our situation doesn't allow us the luxury to dwell on what-ifs, either." Elias spoke lowly, leaning his elbows atop his knees. 

Yun's eyes was locked in on the far off dresser across the room, but his gaze reached farther, seeming to be lost somewhere in a place that's outside of the four walls of Elias' living quarters. It's with almost half a mind that he said, "Nothing will bring her back, is that it?"

_"This . . . rebellion you're starting."_

_Yun looked up from the sheet of newspaper in his hands._

_"You're treading on dangerous business." she pointedly nodded to the Anwei map laid out on the table where discussions of tactics had taken place. "It's your father you're going up against."_

_He folded the paper close. "It's also the same reason why I always insist that you go back home to Valenmans* where it is safe, and yet I don't see you packing still."_

_"Oh, if you truly believe that I'd scurry off and leave you on your own, then you've got another thing coming." Aleida huffed. "I'm staying with you until the end, kid. Especially with that kind of enemy you've set your sights on."_

_"This is a war." he argued for the umpteenth time. "Your life could be at stake."_

_"So is yours." was her instant reply. "Worry for yourself before others, for once. Plus, I may not be not getting any younger, but this woman can still take much more than what you give her credit for."_

_When Yun kept looking at her with that scrutinizing gaze of his, she smiled. "If that green line goes flat, then so be it. So long as you make sure that the same thing happens to those who call themselves the government as well."_

On his peripheral vision, he caught how Elias' intertwined palms clenched for a moment. But no verbal response came out of him. The sentence hung in the air as seconds of quiet ticked by. 

When Yun felt movement beside him, he paid it little to no mind. When it settled, he persistently kept his sight trained on the piece of furniture for a few more moments before he finally turned to find the knight's back now facing him once again. Long tresses of lilac hair akin to a cascading waterfall were left to fall free down said back. At first sight, Yun read the gesture as an invitation. It was wordless, one that both of them hadn't verbally agreed upon. And nevertheless, it was still heard loud and clear.

_Lean on me._

And so without much hesitance, he dropped his forehead against that nape once again and breathed. The scent of pinewood and mint entered his nostrils, one that he'd failed to take into account a while ago when he was consumed by turmoil. 

"I lied." he said, in a manner so soft and quiet it was almost a whisper. 

Elias would turn to look at him with a questioning gaze but he didn't want to risk moving Yun's rested head against his. So in a response that was just as hushed, he asked, "About what?"

Yun pressed his lips into a line in thought. Then, he sighed, way too heavily to be just an expulsion of air. "I don't have a lot on my mind."

_Actually, I have nothing at all._ None. Zero. Na-da.

"Is that why you came into my room and demanded to fix my hair?"

The huff that slipped free from Yun's lips vaguely sounded like a laugh in disguise. "Maybe."

The swordsman didn't bother holding back the unadulterated amusement that's slowly manifesting on the tiny tilt of his lips. "Never pegged you to be an intruder though." he mused.

"Intruder?"

"You didn't exactly knock before inviting yourself in, which can be considered as bounds for trespassing."

Yun was quick to shoot back. "And you weren't exactly a stickler for the rules. You'll let me pass."

Elias raised an eyebrow at the remark. "You're suddenly so sure of yourself."

"When was I not?" 

He didn't know if he should be relieved or annoyed that the haughtiness in Yun's tone was back, but at least it was a step-up from the grim atmosphere only minutes ago.

The stretch of quiet that befell on them this time was less tense. But it was still quiet, nonetheless. Elias knew that they were barely out of the line of fire. When he felt no movement from the other boy behind him, he subconsciously pressed back, hoping to wordlessly relay his reassurance to him. 

"We will move forward, Yun." he said. "For Anwei. For Aleida."

Yun opened his eyes. That was . . . perhaps one of the rare times that Elias has chosen to address him by name. Hearing it roll off his tongue when he least expected it would always manage to catch him off-guard no matter what. 

_"I'm staying with you until the end, kid."_

  
  
Breathing in through his nose, he expelled it not so quietly with a slowly steeling resolve.

"We will."

The slowly receding thunderstorm outside, giving way to a quiet and peaceful night at last, was a start.   
  


**Author's Note:**

> *Valenmans was a place i made for "you can risk it all and see", where the rebels took refuge after being invaded. 
> 
> killing Aleida off was like aborting a child aksxbadksjdxbasdxasd that hurt me. anyways hope u enjoyed!!
> 
> also remember to check out emilyamiao's (the animatic creator) [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/emilyamiao/)
> 
> yall can find me too on [twitter](https://twitter.com/_mayaaang_) if u want a frequent dose of randomness. drop a dm to lemme know that ur from ao3!!
> 
> til the next oneshot!


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